Enjoy It While Its Still Hott!

Face drenched in mascara-filled tears, her mild sniffles turned her pretty yellow nose into a redish shade. She looks like an extreme makeover gone horribly wrong. Sitting at a table surrounded by her closest girlfriends, she narrates her story in between angry, tearful sighs. A glass of wine and a shot of tequila to calm her down. The girls listen to their friend attentively, faces coloured with concern... throwing in the occasional “yeah I know you what you mean” and “are you serious? that bustard!” She is a victim of a deadly phenomenon we all know as “friends with benefits.”

Fun, no-strings-attached, casual sex relationships are the order of today’s dating scene. They are not necessarily unhealthy, but they are not necessary either. In case you’ve been living under a rock, a friend with benefits is someone you do the do with, no strings attached like a cordless phone (J Cole)! No dates, no roses and no questions. The only knowledge required from you is purely carnal. You’re allowed to call at 2 am when the club closes, still loaded with alcohol in your system  to find out if they *hiccup* want to hook up. After all, the only thing that’s open at that time of night is a pair of legs!

There’s only two rules when it comes to these ‘phantom’ relationships:

Rule #1 - Do not develop feelings

Rule #2 - Remember rule number 1

Feelings are a disease that one must not catch if one wants to survive this game. Girls, being the emotional beings that they are, are unfortunately prone to this disease. They don’t fall...they plunge, aimlessly in that thing called love...without a damn parachute! The relationship then loses its worth, sending the guy packing. Emotional turmoil must be avoided at all costs - rule number 1!

Not all guys will run though. The smart ones stay and use this to their advantage. If he doesn’t run immediately then he is part of the dangerous breed...the type that know just how to get under a girl’s skin. He knows how to offer just enough of himself to keep the girl hooked, for months and sometimes even years at a time. He doesn’t really want the girl to stay, but doesn’t really want her to go. He doesn’t ever come out and say yes, but he also doesn’t ever say no. At this point the girl is left swimming in a perpetual state of grey.

That is why a lot of girls will agree with me when i say “friends with benefits” is a scam (as my girrl B! rightly calls it) cooked up by a secret cult of commitment-phobe men to get the nookie without the nuptials. They get to have their cake and eat it too! But hey, let’s not point fingers. Some women enjoy it too. But the whole thing is like communism though...good in theory, but a dismal failure in reality.

Anyway the point of it all is that casual nookie is like fresh milk – only good for a limited time and best enjoyed before its expiry date. It is like one of those fun tunes to hum along to for a while before the record starts skipping. Catching feelings from casual nookie is inevitable because the more time we spend with another person involved in intimacies, the more intimate we become regardless of our intentions. Which forces us to question if our intellect can indeed overrule our emotion. I seriously doubt it though. Because a lot of the time, matters of the heart short-circuit our ability to think rationally, leading us to engage in emotionally unhealthy behaviour. Raise your hand if you’re a girl and know just what i’m talking about!

I mean, for guys, sex is kinda like pizza. Even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty damn good. So they will never go hungry because there is no emotional attachment to a particular flavour. And nothing will stop him from trying out different flavours! Basically, nothing will make him stay with a girl if he doesn’t want to. So ladies, when you feel a case of the feelings coming on...RUN! It don’t matter if that guy can pluck at your heart strings with both hands tied behind his back – fact is, if he aint putting a ring on it then he don’t want it! 

Put on your best stilettos and start steppin lil mama. And fellas, don’t let her fall if you don’t plan on catching her...